Sunday, April 30, 2006

Crack epidemic

I'm sure I am not the first one to write about this. Hell, it's something I know we are all seeing and trying to turn a blind eye to, but I have just had enough. I write this today as a good Samaritan in the hope that we can all come to terms with the problem and change the world.

Pull up your pants people!

I am just done when it comes to seeing total strangers butt cracks. You're sitting having a perfectly lovely dinner and you look over and the woman at the next table has 2 plus inches of ass hanging out of her pants. I'm driving down the street and there is a guy on a bike, pedaling for all he's worth, crack hanging out. You're at a playground with your kids, and even one of the caregivers has a good inch or two in full view.

But, perhaps the worst and most recent offender was the landscaping man at my local shopping center. It wasn't a particularly warm day and he was working with another person. The second I made a right turn I was confronted by his ass hanging out of his pants. And I say ass because this wasn't just a crack, not a little plumbers leak so to speak. This was a full-on hang-the-moon shot off his posterior. I mention that it was cold because there is no way he could not feel the breeze back there. The person he was working with must have gotten the shot practically in his face at least once. And he was wearing a belt! If you haven't figured out how to use a belt to keep your pants up and your crack invisible, I'm thinking that leaving the house in the morning might not be such a good idea.

I know it used to be that everyone had the baggy pants look. You'd see boxers hanging out of young men's pants much to the chagrin of mothers everywhere. But, I would take seeing anyone's boxers, even a thong, rather than a crack. I know, part of the problem are these low-riders made popular by the rich and famous and typically small-hineyed women. There are underwear available to you should you choose to wear them. But, if you aren't Kate moss, and you plan on wearing them, at least have the decency to hike them up.

People flipped out about Janet Jackson's nipple being visible on television. How can that even be objectionable compared to the wanton ass-crack/cellulite combo? Even Survivor has the sense to blur-over the contestants bare butts. Remember when Jimmy Smits had a full-on butt shot on NYPD Blue? People, hardly any of us have butts that look like that, put the cheeks away!

So, I ask you, please, pull-up your pants and if someone you know is hanging the moon, please ask them to pull up their pants. Together we can nip this crack in the bud.

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