Wednesday, December 20, 2006

For the Love of Christmas

It happens to me every year. I think we've already established that I am crazy for Christmas. I love it. I decorate like a crazy person inside and out. I shop like a crazy person because I love to give gifts. I bake like a crazy person because, well, I love to bake. I think these are all fairly normal behaviors.

But, could someone please tell me what posesses people to go off the deep end with the Christmas attire?

I only wish I had my camera on me so I could take a picture of the woman sitting across from us at the restaurant tonight.

I was already in pre-barf mode when I saw that she had the goofy button-down snowflake and snowman vest. And then I saw the earrings that were Christmas lights. Gee, you'd think that would have been enough for her.

But, on the way out, low and behold, she had the Christmas socks on. Oh, and the Christmas charm bracelet. And yes, the sickeningly sweet penguin turtle neck. Are you getting the visual here? If I was Jewish, I think I would have run from her screaming, ahhhhhhh the Christmas people are coming to get me!

If this is your grandmother or your mother, it's time for an intervention. Get in their closets and get rid of this kitschy sh$$. No one wants to see it, it's frightening. If they must, let them wear their little earrings. Let them wear their socks. But the head to toe, schlock of crap is a nightmare. Help us one and all.

And while we're at it, let me share with you a little list my friend Lynn sent me today (I'm hoping to have all of them by the end of the season):

Top 10 Holiday Psych Disorders

1. Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic -- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna
Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy
- can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

PS. And yes, I am still knitting the second sleeve


Bridget said...

Hey! That's me you're talking about! Not literally, but figuratively! And, if you deck your halls to the max, why can't I wear my earings, sweatshirt, necklace and socks!

Larjmarj said...

I agree..I have seen some perfectly nauseating attire on some of my co-workers this year. I mean the gaudiest of sweaters, jewelry etc. I mean I do earrings...but that's about it. Oh and my "bah humbug" sweatshirt.